YOU MAKE MY HEART RACE WITHOUT DOING A THING

Their hearts are lying in the autumn still,

Where winds are shedding dried feelings

Until,

The new ones finds a home forever,

For new love to bloom and emptiness to refill

Have you ever met someone so special with whom you can share everything and everything?

Someone who makes you feel like you have known them for eternity?

Be it destiny or luck , you find someone someone so much compatible in every way, this person brings life to you, makes you feel complete and loved ,the jokes ,the laughter that come along, the quick glances ,the stares and the smiles ,the silly fights over misses ,and the playful moments and above all the kisses  ,so real but imaginary , the long deep sachhariferous kisses so sweet  ,feeling his breath on yours, his lips on yours and his chest against yours and the rest that come with that. This guy is perfect before your eyes.

Then this goes on for quite a while not knowing what the two of you have. It becomes confusing. No one speaks ,you are both scared of defining you have ;as a girl you are more afraid to make the first move, asking, fear of rejection; likes being rejected anyway?

So the best alternative is going with the flow hoping, crossing your fingers that one day this special someone will open up and say something about what he feels .But No, nothing changes and you become tired of waiting . Its like waiting for rain in the desert .Something close to impossible .It hurts .

It really hurts and now thoughts begin to flock in: "maybe you actually never meant anything to this guy ... may be he was just passing time ... What if it was just a one sided feeling ...what it was infatuation and not love? But if it was why the hell did he make the first move? Why did he have to ignite this spark that he couldn't keep burning ?What of the signs ? The many things you had in common? The compatibility ? Was it all a joke ?

And ,What happened that night?

Was it normal ? Was it love ? Was it lust or just burst of emotions for fulfilling physical need?

Moving on them becomes a solution, the solution which needs an silent assessment .You try so hard to get over this person though it seems unfeasible ,but console yourself that you deserves better and that he wasn't really meant for you and there is someone out there who is worth your love. Days go by and you feel stronger in the sense that you are getting there .He is hard to resist;  hard to forget  and even hard to ignore. He comes back again...he is a weakness and you fall into trap one more time .How you have to start the struggle all over again!!You then realize that this guy has messed you up, you can't find another guy as interesting .Other guys kisses seems like the waste of time .The bond created between you and him was too strong and everything of his matched yours .He's just incomparable. The shared moments ,the nights together ,the silly midnight  talks  and all the memories make it even harder for you to forget this guy, above all , your bestie really like him for you. It becomes hard to imagine that the guy you feel so safe ,warm, free, happy and comfortable around isn't and will never be yours .Tears become part of you every night ,praying to God to help you through this storm. You were willing to do absolutely anything for this guy, help him through his worst and support  him in all he does.

And ,the good thing about him was he could notice when you were down and would try to cheer you up during your sad moments .

On this day , he decides to finally speak up ,saying how he knows ,he has messed you up, apologizing for hurting you and your feelings saying that he really likes you a lot but he doesn't really know what he really wants , he himself is messed up too , he is scared of commitments and thinks that once in a relationship ,things might change for the worst and it will ruin the friendship you have built ;both of you decide to remain to ,friends ,as it will be much better this way ,though you feel crushed inwardly, it remains the best alternative .

How can you be just friends with someone who your heart longs to be with? Whom you have shared so much with? Someone , who you think is your better half ? Your own soulmate ?

Reality strikes hard and letting go is no longer an option. The dreams and the fantasies have to come to an end especially the thoughts of ever having a future with him.

Deep down you feel that you can never get someone like him unless God intervenes and sends one like him or better than this guy. Now focusing  on other greater things is the only way out. You got to pick up the pieces and carry on .Trying to make yourself better is also a plan that can help you focus more on yourself.

You also communicate ...yes , because you promised nothing will change the friendship , the guy is still amazing in every way ;not even what transpired can change the love you once had for him.

And now it is time to see what God  has in store. 

But deep inside you both now , God will never intervene because He has already transpired to let you meet , let you dream ,,,let you love ...

Always longing for you 💘